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“Breaking up is hard to do”

“Breaking up is hard to do…” Such a catchy song, and completely true. Unless your relationship has played out like an episode of “Blind Date” then you know that no matter how long you have been involved, breaking up is never an easy thing. There are a few rules to follow though, that can soften the blow of a break-up and can keep the end of a relationship from feeling like an international incident.

First and foremost be forthcoming! If you have found someone else who has really caught your interest and you want to pursue something with that woman, then let your current girlfriend know that. Don’t make up excuses such as, “I need to find myself”, or “I am really craving some alone time.” Both of those excuses are b.s. and every woman knows it. It also keeps a scene from happening if your ex finds you at a bar with another woman after you broke up with her for some “alone time to find yourself.”

This leads me directly to my next point. Do not, I repeat DO NOT cheat on your girlfriend. If you and her had made the decision to be mutually exclusive then you need to have enough respect for her to not be cheating. “Hell hath no wrath like a woman’s scorn”, if you ever want to bring down fire and brimstone on your own head, cheat on your woman. Not only will she make your life hell for a short time (which can feel like an eternity), but the girl that you are currently seeing will know that you are a cheater, and all girls are told by their mothers that once a cheater, always a cheater. It is simply best to avoid this whole mess by being upfront.

If you have date a woman a while, and especially if you are dating a woman that lives near you, you owe it to her to break up with her in person. Do not after a long term relationship call her and break up with her voicemail. You did not have sex with her answering machine, voicemail, or computer, so do not end your relationship with her on those machines, even if you did meet her there. Some exceptions can be made if your relationship is a long distance one, being that a flight or long drive just to end a relationship seems a little silly. But, even if your relationship is a long distance one you still should get as close as you can to breaking up in person. This means a phone call break up, again, not an IM or voicemail break up.

Along with the “in person” break up goes with this rule of thumb. Do no break up with a woman in a public place. You may want to avoid a big scene, but all you will do is create an audience for your big scene. Where as most men can control emotions enough to wait and do a freak out when they are home alone, women do not have that tact.
And nothing is worse than having a woman freak out at a nice, quiet restaurant over what should be a romantic dinner.

Also, once you break up with a woman, do no expect her to become a booty call. You cannot break up a relationship and still hope to maintain much of a friendship, especially if the relationship did not start out as a friendship, and you can certainly not expect to be able to call this woman up when you have a dry spell and hope to get a little action. This same idea also applies to breaking up with a woman in the hopes of finding someone better, and then crawling back when you don’t find someone better. If the reason that you are breaking up with someone you genuinely feel a connection with to go out with someone you think might have potential, do not gravel back to your ex in the hopes of her still pining over you. Besides, graveling makes you lose some of your dignity.

When you have decided that a relationship is not working out, then you should end it as soon as possible. Do not stay in a relationship where you are not happy no matter how sweet, good in bed, attractive, etc. the woman is. At the point in which you are not feeling the relationship anymore then move on. Do not drag on a relationship that is unsatisfying or is not moving to a place where you would like it to move, whether that be moving forward or moving too fast. In a calm, non-exaggeratedly emotional conversation (not a shouting match) honestly explain why you are unhappy in the relationship and let her know that it is over. Don’t end on a “let’s just be friends”, “if it’s meant to be, it will be”, “I love you, I’m just not in love with you” note. These are lame, overused, and untrue phrases and as a mature adult it is best to be forward and honest. Doing so allows you and her to reflect in your own mind what you are really after within the confines of a relationship and this reflection on both of your parts will allow for a better pursuit of happiness in another relationship.

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