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Datings Articles
"It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things." ~Henry David Thoreau
A man who portrays desperation to a woman will ultimately portray weakness. This is never a redeeming quality in a man, nor is this an attractive quality. I have said it before and I will say it again, confidence is the key to being a star player in the dating game. Portraying desperation does two things. 1) It makes you out to be a sad, wimpy, creepy, girlie-man. 2) It opens the door for a woman to take full advantage of you.
It is important to remember that no woman wants a stalker. Not online and not in real life. No matter how enamored you are with a woman, acting like a love-crazed stalker is the best way to get rid of a woman. Unfortunately, most of the time, a guy will think that he is being romantic or an attentive lover, when really this is coming off as completely desperate. To avoid desperate attempts to woo a woman that really make you look like a total sap, think of what drives you completely crazy. Try playing a little hard to get, instead of playing directly in to her hands. With a little self control you can avoid playing the puppy dog following her around, and turn the tables to get the woman chasing you.
Even if you really have no social life, don’t let her know that. When you spend all day online, and tell her that you have been waiting online all day for her, this may be cute the first couple of times, but it will get old quickly and will put you into a category of boring that is sure to kill your chances with her. Unless the woman you are pursuing is a “crazy cat lady” she probably likes being social, getting out of her house, and unwiring to visit with her 3 dimensional friends. If all she sees is you online and all she hears is about how you don’t leave your house at the thought that she might come online and you will miss her, that will surely give her the impression that you are no fun to be around, and probably wouldn’t fit into her life among real life people. While all of these things might be true about you, it’s best not to let her know that. Do not leave your messenger window running all day, and jump all over her the minute she signs in. Let her come to you. If she doesn’t come to you, that’s ok, it frees up your time to talk to other potential mates.
Do not flood her email box or her voicemail with messages. If you haven’t talked to her in a few days, it is ok to send her an email asking her how she has been, what she has been up to, and maybe even tell her a bit about how busy your social calendar has been. It is not ok, however, to email her 5 times a day with each email getting progressively lamer, finally ending with an email that says “ I need you, where are you, why aren’t you talking to me?” It is key to appear confident (although it’s better to actually be confident) that even if she hasn’t talked to you in a while, that things are ok and that you are both just a little preoccupied. Also, no woman wants to listen to a 6 and a half minute message of you rambling on and on. Keep voicemail messages short and sweet. You want her to talk to you, if you leave her a message that already details your life, then what is the point of talking to you?
Instant Messages are another area that should be handled with care. At the point in which you run out of things to say and the conversation is completely lagging, or you two are playing a game of twenty questions because the conversation is not flowing, then it’s probably time to sign off. If this scenario replays itself often between you and her, then maybe its time to look for love somewhere else, because when a conversation is constantly being forced, it is a pretty good sign that there is no connection. Also, give her a chance to get online and get settled. Usually when someone signs into their messenger program they are also checking emails, or getting online to pay some bills. There is nothing more annoying than trying to check emails and getting 3 or 4 IMs immediately that demand responses. This is especially true when she is just signing in for a moment to for an email or to get an address out of her contact book. A good rule of thumb is to wait a few minutes, somewhere between 5 and 10, to IM her. Not only do you become less annoying to her, but she also sees that you are not just waiting for her to come online. Iming her the minute your alert screen pops up makes you seem desperate for human contact, even if you are really just desperate to talk to her. Either way, desperation is not sexy or attractive.
The best way to get whipped in a relationship almost immediately is to let the woman know that she has control over you. Human nature tells us to dominate those that are weaker than us, and if you give the woman the idea that she is in control, she will dominate you, and it is tough to get a role reversal or a balance in this kind of a relationship. No matter how desperate you may actually be, don’t let her know that. Exercise a little self control, remember that you are not a puppy following after her, and that she should initiate things every once in a while. A big advantage of keeping focus and not becoming desperate is you will notice if she is not feeling the relationship like you are feeling. This will help you avoid a big let down and heart break.
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