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Datings Articles
THE RULES OF EFFECTIVE AND POLITE CONVERSATION ON THE NET
JUST AS POLITE CONVERSATION HAS UNSPOKEN RULES ON HOW IT SHOULD BE CONDUCTED, SO DOES INTERNET CONVERSATION. Ahem… ah…that’s better. Our every day lives are conducted with social graces that we learned when we were quite young, and thus we can avoid embarrassing faux paus, because we know what should be embarrassing. Thank goodness for these rules other wise we would all be farting and belching in public and the work place would be a stinky place to be, especially on Mexican food day. What most people aren’t aware of, especially those known as “net newbies” is that there is in fact a set of rules that you should follow in order to avoid misunderstandings and to have a pleasant online experience.
Rule #1: DO NOT YELL AT THOSE YOU ARE TALKING TO.
Being that you cannot hear the inflection or elevation in the voice of a person that you are talking to, writing in all caps is now interpreted as yelling at someone. When you talk to someone using all caps they will think that you are screaming what you are saying, and this is a big internet no-no. Also, when we read, part of our reading skills is from looking at the shape of a word. This is important to remember when you are writing to someone. If you use a font that is all caps, or you type with your caps key locked, then you are making it more difficult for the brain to decipher and read words. This makes a person’s eyes tired very quickly, and can be very frustrating. Do not yell at a woman. When you write her an email, remember that the caps lock key should be used only when you want to really emphasize something, or when you would say something that if you were actually speaking would be said with a higher inflection or a louder tone of voice. A better way of emphasizing a point would be to bold it or to italicize it. This can be done just as simply as pushing the caps lock key by hitting Ctrl+B for bold or Ctrl+I for italics.
Rule #2: Remember your rules of grammar and spelling.
When you chose to send an email to a potential girlfriend and you do not take the time to spell check your letter and re-read it to ensure the letter is grammatically correct, you lead the woman to believe that you are lazy and do not care about doing things correctly. She will assume that you are a literate, intelligent man, a professional that would never send an email filled with mistakes to a coworker or boss, and that you just do not care enough about her to take the time to proofread your communications. This is almost as bad as her considering you a complete and utter moron, which is the only other conclusion a woman who receives an email that looks as though it was written by a 5 year old, can come to. In this day and age of spell check, grammar check, the underlining of words while you are typing that might be incorrect; there is no excuse why a woman should receive an email that is littered with language imperfections.
This also goes for the format of an email. In this digital age the art of letter writing has been almost completely lost, but you sending an email that still follows those rules you learned in second grade will get you far. Always put a subject. This is the first impression a woman has of you, so make it count. A friendly hello is nice, but completely ineffective, your email will get lost in a sea of “hellos”, and your efforts have all been in vain. Tongue tied about what to say to get noticed? Check out my “Instant Email Openers.” There are hundreds of tried and true subject lines that will get your foot in the door.
Another rule to keep in mind is that of the format of the letter you are writing. Make sure there is a polite salutation and closing. Also remember to create paragraphs in your emails. This helps her to refer back to certain things you have said without having to scour the entire letter. You will be amazed at how effective using the simple rules of letter writing and grammar can be in getting responses to your emails.
Rule #3: Think before you write.
While you are in the middle of writing an email or in the middle of a chat, it can be easy to forget that the person on the other end of the connection cannot see or hear you. In person we communicate volumes about how we are feeling with our non-verbal communication, but this is not so easy to achieve when written communication is all you have. With this in mind I recommend that you use sarcasm, flirtatious teasing, and other comments that need body language to really relay the message, sparingly. You will get yourself into a lot less trouble if you are careful with these kinds of comments. Once you know the woman fairly well, and you can gauge her sense of humor these can be used a little more frequently.
Rule #4: Do not appear to be a stalker.
In the “olden days” of dating, a man called a woman a couple of days after receiving her phone number. He did not call her excessively, as that was considered desperate on his part and would get him no where. This rule can also be applied to the online dating world. A single letter to a female is good to start with. If you do not get a response within a week, then one more letter is enough. If you do not get a response at this point, then move on. Women need to be prompt in responding to emails, especially if you have already established a connection with her. If she is slacking off at the initial start of the online relationship, then you will probably find it difficult to move the relationship forward. This might be a time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if she is just wasting your time. The same rule goes for you. You need to keep you your end of the conversations by being prompt with your replies. That being said, it is unnecessary and creepy to flood a woman’s inbox with emails confession your undying love. Also apply the “no stalking” rule to how fast you push things forward. If you are serious about a woman, have some patience. Do not insist to talk to her on the phone or get her private information within the first week. The natural progression of an online relationship that is going good will get to phone conversations, and in person meetings. Being overly pushy makes you appear to be a creepy rapist type and that will end things real quick.
Rule #5: The Golden Rule still applies to the internet.
Yes, the rule that hung over your kindergarten door is still applicable in the online dating world. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to her. Don’t lie on your profile. Just as you don’t want to tell her you are a 150lb male super model who turns out to be a 350lb super slob, you don’t want her to tell you that she is a dead ringer for Kate Winslet, when in reality she is a dead ringer for Kate Winslet (when he is in drag)!! Don’t misrepresent the 40 year old you for the 20 year old you by posting old pictures. Omitting information can, and for a woman usually is, the same as lying! Do not fight with other men in chat rooms or on bulletin boards. Women may have fallen for the high school rivalry crap when they were in high school, but they are too busy and too mature to deal with it now.
When it comes to netiquette you will find that common sense is usually the best policy. Just because you are not face to face with the person you are still communicating and making a connection with a real human being, they deserve the same common courtesy that you would appreciate in the real world. Besides, internet etiquette does have its advantages versus real world etiquette-where else can you be in a room full of people and be comfortable farting, belching and picking your nose all at the same time? (Provided you don’t have a cam and mic while chatting)
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