Datings Articles

How To Boost Your Odds Of Having A “First Date” Success! - Part 2

Last time we talked about how the process of finding someone suitable to go out with, on even a first date, sometimes feels as difficult as being a salmon swimming upstream.

And how, even if you do eventually manage to hook up with someone who seems halfway decent (dare I say “normal”), the honeymoon’s often over, even before you get through the front door of the restaurant or where ever it is you wind up going.

Today though, we’ll try and figure out how to boost those odds so the likelihood of you having a happier ending -- or at least a good night out -- is dramatically increased.

For starters, if you’re a regular dater, and especially if you’re a man, you already know that you can go broke playing this game. Taking someone out to a restaurant -- even a casual restaurant -- isn’t cheap nowadays, not by a long-shot.

By the time you take into account an appetizer, drinks, your main meal, dessert and a tip, even in a cheap place you’re looking at somewhere around $50 bucks minimum, and that’s on the low end.

Do this 2 or 3 times a week, and in a few months, you’ve easily gone through a few thousand non tax-deductible and non-productive dollars.

And although there are a few women who will either go Dutch, most women “still” feel deep down inside, the man should pay.

One alternative is for the man to invite his date over to cook dinner for her -- a treat few women, even married women -- get to experience. But obviously, a lot of women are “gun shy” about doing this. A lot of whether your date’s going to be comfortable with this, is based on how much of a “warm-up” you’ve had.

For instance, if you’ve spoken numerous times and in some depth on the phone before your first in-person meeting, then for a lot of people -- especially the older you are -- an at-home sit-down dinner isn’t just “O.K.”, it’s a welcome opportunity to see how the other person lives and to get a better glimpse into their lives, up-close and personal.

Younger couples, or people who really haven’t had a chance to get to know one another before their first meeting, are somewhat reluctant to go to each other’s homes. One reason is, this also tends to put some pressure on the couple -- or more accurately, on the woman -- as in, what happens after dinner?

One thing that’s for sure, is that if you’re going to dine out, you’d better make sure you’ve got a good game plan going for the two of you. Meaning, know where you want to go ahead of time and tell her about the place, letting her know the kind of food they serve if she’s never heard of the restaurant, and the kind of attire you should be dressed in, again, in case she’s not familiar with where you’re going.

This way, if there are any problems or disappointments, you won’t have to deal with them in person, and things can at least start off moving in the right direction. Nothing’s worse than having conflict before things even get off the ground.

Once you’re out together, if you’re feeling awkward, this is only going to make her feel awkward too. On the other hand, if you’re acting natural, like you’ve known her for a while, this is going to make her feel more relaxed, and more willing to open up and let you get to know her better, quicker.

And getting to know one another as quickly as possible, minimizes any future time and money-wasting on your end.

If you’re going to go out, and you aren’t going to go for dinner, don’t suggest doing something stupid like checking out the new statue downtown... or going to a strip club (unless of course, she mentions that this is her “thing”)... or doing something selfish like bringing her along to run a quick errand or pick something up on the way to where ever you’re going.

People get turned off when you do stuff like this, just the same way you’d get turned off if someone did this to you.

Remember, on a first date especially, you’ve still got to be in the “salesman” mode. Make sure she sees the BENEFITS of hanging out with you. And being a self-centered idiot makes you look just like everyone else.

Think of it this way -- if you bring her the same game every other guy is running by her -- does she really have any incentive to take things any further?

At all?

The answer’s an obvious “No”, so don’t make this mistake.

Don’t stand there talking on your cell phone all evening, don’t talk about business or how much money you’re making, and puh-lease don’t forget to brush your teeth, scrub the crust out of your eyes, shower, and splash on (not douse yourself with) some good quality cologne.

Oh, and don’t wear your old sneakers you wear to the gym, either.

Believe it or not, just going through these simple seldom-done yet very common-sense based personal hygiene exercises, puts you head and shoulders above most guys.

Plus, this is why it’s so important to try and get to know your date as much as possible before hand. For instance, let’s say you’re a sports nut and little did you know, she was too. You might miss out on a great opportunity to have a really cool night out taking her to a basketball game, or even to a sports bar to watch the game.

Put some effort into this process and you’ll get more out of it, believe me.

Now what about kissing? And sex?

Should you be doing either of these things on your first date?

Well, if you look at what all the dating “experts” say, these things shouldn’t be happening until you’re well into the relationship.

But that’s why they’re “experts” and why you’re living in reality -- which is a world they apparently don’t frequent very often.

Let me tell you this -- if you’re an adult... and if you want to kiss.... have sex... or not -- it’s all good. The days of “rules” regarding what’s “normal” and what’s right, are fortunately non-existent for most people.

The thing is, if you want to (and most guys will, especially if they’ve had a good time) and if she doesn’t want to -- then that’s it -- all bets are off.

If the chemistry is there, then take advantage of it -- some people can go for months without getting so much as even a whiff of it.

And if it’s not -- then move on and cut your losses quickly.

Because in dating, like in business, the last thing you want to do is to keep throwing good money, time and effort... after a bad investment.

Contact Chet: 813-451-6466 Email Chet: chetspest @ gmail . com