Datings Articles

Attack of the Green Eyed Monster

One of the seven deadly sins is envy, which is interchangeable with jealousy. This sin will, if let get out of control, end a relationship in no time flat. There is good jealousy and bad jealousy and knowing when just enough jealousy becomes too much jealousy will go a long way to allowing you to be in a relationship that is built on the foundation of a beginning relationship-trust.

You have felt jealousy before, we all have. It’s the bit of grrr you get when your brother got a mustang and you got a jalopy. It’s the feeling of anger that starts to rise when the waiter is a bit too friendly with your date. These feelings are normal. It is human nature to want better for ourselves and it is human nature to try and protect what we have. What makes the difference in a relationship is how you deal with these feelings, the reaction you have to situation in which you start to feel jealousy rise up in you. How you react can effect how long you stay in that relationship. Keeping your jealousy in check will allow you to have a happy relationship and will keep you sane.

First and foremost you must have trust in your relationship. In fact your relationship should be built on trust. This can be very difficult to achieve, especially if you have been burned before, but allowing yourself complete trust in a serious relationship is paramount to keeping the relationship. When you have complete trust in your lover you will be much more relaxed in situations that would cause a suspicious untrusting man to become a jealous rage.

If you trust her not to cheat on you, then you should not get upset when a man looks at her or a guy at her work tries hopelessly to flirt with her. When you have full trust in your girlfriend you can bask in the glow of being the envy of other men at the knowledge that you have this beauty on your arm and they do not. Consider it a compliment. Remember it is you she is with not them, so don’t take their stares or vain attempts as any kind of threat. When you remind yourself of this you will be able to keep cool when someone tries and fails at challenging you.

Jealousy is too often a situation that is blown way out of proportion and is dwelt on. This is where the real problems start. Something that is minor can to a suspicious man, again there is a lack of trust, be made into a major issue. Remember to take a step back and really look at what is going on, especially before you open up your mouth and say or do something you really regret. When you see something that makes you jealous or that you feel is inappropriate then stop, breathe, and calm down before you react. Flying off the handle at molehill that in your mind you have made a mountain will get you no where. More than that, a man who flies into a jealous rage is terrifying to a woman and she will walk away from that relationship before you even know what hit you. Look at what is actually happening, not what you think is happening, and don’t jump to conclusions unless you have actual reason to. Once you are calm, if you still see the actions on her part as disrespectful to your relationship, then calmly have a conversation about it. Do not accuse and do not point fingers. Make sure that once you have stated your view that you listen to her view. You can go a long way to avoiding misunderstandings if you establish rules of appropriate conduct with those outside your relationship. Just remember that those rules will work both ways, so don’t make an ultimatum that you are not willing to follow yourself.

A big part of where jealousy comes from is rejections from our past. Once a person has been burned in a relationship, it is hard to come back from and begin to trust again. A relationship that has ended because of infidelity will leave both parties with the lack of confidence to trust very easily again. The cheated will feel betrayed, deceived, and will be gun shy about getting into another relationship, the cheater will always have a suspicion of others because of the guilt, whether admitted or not, of their own infidelity in the previous relationship. If you fall into either of these categories, and let’s face it, most of us do, then it can be difficult to trust again, and can really cause a strain on new relationships. When you start to feel jealous, think, “where is this coming from? Am I really upset at her action right now, or am I bringing my old fears and insecurities from my past relationship into this situation?” Again, stepping back at the moment before you open your mouth in a tirade of screaming will help you to really determine if your anger is justified or not. If you realize that you are upset because of the past then let it go and move on. Also, use your past to educate you on your present. You will better be able to spot someone who might be unfaithful if you remember some of the signs that manifested in that past relationship. As a way to save your own sanity a big tip is avoid the serial cheaters. If you find out that the woman you are interested in has cheated on several of her boyfriends, then you should reconsider your interest in her. Momma always said, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” While I am not sure that is exactly true, when it comes to women who often jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, and who have cheated on several of their past relationships, this would be a pretty good rule to follow.