Dating Tips for Men

Chet's Been Kidnapped

Chet called me this morning from Jamaica. He went to Hedonism II. It was one of those places he always wanted to visit, but just never had the right person to go with. Finally, he bit the bullet and went with a flavor of the week. When he called me I was not home to answer his call. He left me a voice mail and this is what it said:

'Jo, It's Chet. I am trying to get a flight out of this Hedo place. Start looking around and see what's available, so when I call you back you can give me my options. So anyway, it's 11:30. Jamaica is on Eastern time I will call you back in a bit. That's the scoop. I will call you back a little a later. Have a wonderful day. You just don't know what you are missing.'

Usually when Chet calls me from somewhere like this it is because the date went bad. Either she didn't look like her photos, she was a dead fish in bed (that's Chet's saying), or she was just a wack job.

Normally he will hide in a closet and call me to tell me to get him the next flight out and will ask me to call back with the "Dad Story." What this means is I call back to tell him his Dad had a stroke. This is Chet's polite way of getting the hell out of a bad situation. I used to get mad at Chet for using this one, but I have to say, after all the lies and deception I have seen with these women, I don't blame him. If a woman isn't honest about who she is, then don't waste a moment longer with her.

I will never forget the woman from the Carolinas. She was a real nut job. Chet called me the first time just to ask me to get the next flight out. He was in the closet...speaking in a whisper. He didn't give any details, but I knew it had to be bad.

As soon as I hung up the phone I called the airlines to make the flight change. Chet beeped in while I was finishing up the reservation. He was actually out of breath and very distressed.

I don't even remember all of the details anymore...this was at least 5 years ago. I know it was before he learned the techniques in his online dating system he uses ensure a woman is what she claims.

I will give you the story as I remember it -

He arrived at the airport early in the afternoon. She was driving around the airport waiting for him. He steps out on the curb. She stops and jumps out to greet Chet. He is just confused because he has no idea who this woman is. Can't be the woman who sent a ton of photos. She looked nothing like them. It was her all right. He was not happy. Deceived again.

I don't know what happened immediately after they departed the airport. I picked up on the story after their first sexual encounter. He decided to 'give her a title shot.' I think it is safe to say, she wasn't up to par.

Later in the day, Chet told her there just wasn't any chemistry. He very politely explained he wanted to leave. You would think he just asked her to give up her first born. She flew off the handle and could not believe a man would turn her down. She was so enraged she refused to give him a ride to the airport.

Chet packed his stuff. He was just about to call a cab when she grunted in agreement to take him to the airport. Somewhere between that point and actually getting in the car, she decided she was not going to take Chet to the airport afterall. She went in a rage again. This time she jumped in the car and sped off.

Chet walked up the stairs to call a cab. He scoured the counters in the kitchen to find some mail with her address on it. He couldn't find anything. He is stuck. Without an address it is impossible for a driver to find him.

Wackadoo peeled back into the driveway. She continued her rant like she hadn't even left. Once again she agreed to take him to the airport. He put his suitcases in the trunk then sat in the car.

She was quiet for a couple minutes, then erupted yet again. Her phone rang. It was her father. She started talking secret code with him. Finally she passes the phone to Chet. Dad wants to talk to Chet.

I don't know the details of the phone call, but I am sure it is what you expect...I will kill you...don't you touch my daughter...you are not good enough blah blah....

When Chet handed the phone back to Wackadoo, she said something about meeting her father somewhere.

Chet knew this was not going anywhere good.

He also noticed they were not headed toward the airport.

He told her to stop the car, but she refused. After a few minutes of almost running off the road, he finally stole the wheel from her and ran the car into the grass. She struggled with him for a few minutes until she finally gave up.

Chet grabbed his bags out of the car and then gave her back the keys (I would have thrown the keys into the woods, but Chet is nicer than I am.)

Wackadoo drove off.

Chet walked down the road with his luggage in tow. You have to know Chet to appreciate this. The phrase "travel light" to Chet means don't pack the kitchen sink. He always travels with two large, and I do mean LARGE suitcases, plus a good size carry-on bag.

Can you picture Chet with his Elvis glasses on humping it down the street with all the bags rolling behind him in the dirt with cars flying by?...the thought of that just cracks me up.

Chet told me he tried to thumb a ride. No one would pick him up.

Finally, he eyed a cop car. He waived the cop down. I bet the guy thought Chet was a nutjob as well. Chet must have convinced the cop though because he gave Chet a ride to the closest store where Chet was able to call a cab.

You see...this is the kind of stuff I deal with on a regular basis with Chet. I have to say, he has learned from his mistakes though. Now he is like a detective. He knows exactly which questions to ask a woman before he meets her. He can usually sniff out a wackadoo pretty well now.

You would think Chet would give up, right? That is what I always tell him, but you know what he always tells me..."It's a numbers game."

What he means by this is you have to weed through these wackadoos to find the gems. He realizes it is not going to be easy and it will take several tries before he finds his soulmate, but he won't give up.

You need to realize the same thing if you want to find the love of your life. There will be nutjobs, but there will also be some nice people who may end up becoming an important part of your life.

Chet has met some people who were not "the one," but they have become great friends and associates.

Don't let bad experiences discourage you. Keep plugging away.

If you have had some dates like this, I would love to hear about them. Just send me an email with the details. Who knows, maybe Chet will publish the best of.

Oh, I almost forgot...this time it wasn't his date. He just didn't like Hedonism enough to miss the Superbowl on Sunday. He hasn't had the opportunity to tell me what actually happened with her, but I am sure I will get the details once she goes home.

I better get to the airport...can't wait to hear what happened on this adventure.

Peace~
Jo Cavanaugh

P.S. Don't forget to email me your story.